Celebrating Valentine's Day

   As many of you most certainly know, it's Valentine's Day - a realization that you already have made either through crushing responsibility to someone else, thus rushed a get them something, or through crushing loneliness that had you rushing to get yourself to the safety of your bedroom.

And she even got a Valentine. Rough times.

   "But The Lopez, Valentine's Day was yesterday. It's over with." Right you are, fictional person that I talk to for an hour once a night. However, that is why I write today, to present to you the greatest part of Valentine's Day

My Little Pony candy. My readership just exploded.

   The candy. Not just the candy though, the candy sales. Certainly people across the nation understand the beauty of this post-holiday holiday. The inexpensiveness, the lack of obligation to each other, activities that  do nothing but give us diabetes. We don't even have to fake love or other foreign, commercialized feelings anymore, but simply enjoy the candy.

Kind of like the day after Halloween, but with less whorish police walking home the next morning.

   I personally spent Valentine's Day working, watching how elementary school girls had their names horribly spelled onto cheap stock valentines, discussing how they don't want certain boys to give them a valentine. Conversely, I then watched the boys freak out over who to give their valentines to, and also make fun of the boy who gets the most.

"He's the one who opened his young heart to us. Get him!"

   With a work-filled, lonely Valentine's Day, I knew the only reprise I would have from it was the cavity -inducing amounts of candy that would be consumed the next day. So I say screw the Valentine pre-tenses, let's all just get wasted on shitty chalk hearts, toothpaste-filled chocolates, and lollipops, and forget about the love-based reasons for celebrating Valentine's Day. Now, if you'll all excuse me, there is a heap of three day old candy ripe for the pickings at Wal-Mart.

The nation's one-stop shop for lonely holidays.