In New York State, Part Four - Man are My Arms Tired

   To you, my loyal readers, you my know that I have returned to the humble and excitable state of New York. My adventure to the west coast to see the other side of the American world has finally come to a close. Besides that, I'm getting a college degree in the morning, so my summations of my trip will be given in a different format then usual.

   And no, it isn't a format involving a red track suit and interpretive dance - just a list.

   The California Ass- This thing is quite a physical anomaly of the human condition. For some reason, unsolved by science, the west coast has what I believe to be the statistically highest sum of people that have a sweet ass. not too little, but not to... not to...

   Exactly. Instead, it is just perfectly shaped. The thing about is, is that it wasn't just a woman thing either - it was everyone. Literally everyone LA either had a fake enough ass to make it appear sweet, or just had a really well put together rump. It was like some sort of genetic mutation to the people of the city - but instead of giving superpowers or a Quatto-like growth coming of the face, it was just a nice ass.

   Thank God for BIG favors.

   Excellent Sunsets - Now there are glorious sunsets in many parts of the world, but I must that Los Angeles definitely has one of the most unique ones. Too bad it's all thanks to the large amount of smog pollution. Oh well, it's still really nice to see.

   Keep it up boys, my date wants to see the orangiest, pinkiest, purpls-ish-est twilight sky ever!

   A Standard Sum of Snow - Now, I know what you're thinking; "Derp derp, it's hawt there, there can be snowz, stoopid." And while I fairly certain winter as a season is shot at on sight in LA, there are high mountains all over the place, which are actually awesome for snowboarding and skiing. So, you could literally spend and entire day on a frosty mountain top, then spend the evening beach side if done properly.

   Oh, so this isn't just some sort of fan service. That said, Californians always know it will snow on the mountains, and never in the city. Thus telling nature to effectively screw itself.

   Oh yeah, they do have those. Well, at least it's not snow.

   Oh bugger.

   A Reasonable Language Barrier - Not surprisingly, one out of every one person speaks some form of actual Spanish, if not only Spanish. Making a rather uni-lingual being, such as myself, quite the gringo. However, it is a language barrier that makes sense. If you only speak English, you need to learn Spanish to do stuff, and vice versa. However, it is observably not the same in New York; there is this weird, all equally bastardizing versions of American English having a grand old time disliking and confusion everyone and everything around them. I'd go as far to say that it's the reason the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees hate each other.

"'Pahk tha cah,in my mah?'  Tawk wright, ya gross Bawston  Bastad!"

   Dumber things have started over more serious misinterpretations.

   Well, I'll leave this chapter of my not being in New York closed for tonight. I am in the home state, at least for now. And I must ultimately thank it, for by the time many of you read this, a New York state accredited college will give me a sheet of paper saying I'm allowed to sculpt young minds.

   High Five State! Booya!

In New York State, Part 3, Hey There Up There

   Needless to say, my trip thus far has been a great escape from the state of New York. However, some things never change - and even sound worse at times.

   I understand that this is Los Angeles, and it has it’s own crime to deal with, but I guess I didn’t imagine it would be a daily thing. Not with all the awesome places that exist here:

   You get the point.

   However, none of the kidnappings, murders, protests, car accidents, gas prices, or granny bandits have me looking over my shoulder - yet.

   Though the idea of an 80 year old thief is crazy enough to make me question my personal safety.

   Especially if they are batman.

   One thing that definitely has me feeling pretty awesome though is what I would like to call a personal ‘Leveling Up,’ as I have recently learned how to fly.

   No, not quite.

   Nope.

    Yes, but without the stupid suit made of primary colors.

   Yes friends, I totally learned to fly. It was surprisingly easy too. All it took was a little motivation and teaching from my own father to accomplish such a feat. The following conversation was the long and short of what took place before my flight.

   NOTE! My Dad has a thick Spanish accent, so be sure to include that when you read it.

   Me: “Hey Dad, what is the plan for tonight, anything in particular?”

   Dad: “Well, how do you feel about seeing Universal City, right next to Universal Studios?”

   Me: “That sounds awesome! How far of a drive from here is it?”

   Dad: “Drive? You snag, we’re not driving there.”

   Me: “Are… we taking a bus?… or ca..”

   Dad: “Snag. We are flying.”

   Me:

   Dad: “What, you never fly before?”

   Me: “Well I…”

   Dad: “Just do this. You will be in the air like it was nothing.”

This photo is part of a dramatic reenactment. 

   I thought it odd, but after a few tries, it worked. I was amazed by how much we as human beings miss out on having to stay inside a metal cabin to achieve flight. Being up in the sky, it really makes you see things for what they are. You realize how small you are, and how vast the world is. You see the world for what it is at such an elevation - beautiful and miraculous. When I was flying, I really felt in touch with the vibes of the world. It was like I could hear the whispers in the wind; the all the colors that the world has created; the taste of sky.

   And then I did indoor sky-diving. It was equally as awesome.


 
So, I guess there will be at least one more part in my most captivating of series’. Please be on the look out for the - for real - final part to my travels!

In New York State, Part Dos - Californian Boogaloo

   Needless to say, my trip has been more awesome then what you see above. And yes, it has also consisted of as much break dancing, and break dance fighting, and other real life situations that are surprisingly solved with a break dancing competition.

   Definitely danced for a spare tire on Hollywood and Vine. Totally worth it.

   More importantly, my stay in Los Angeles has proved to be almost totally superior to any place I’ve been in New York - with a mild exception to New York City, but that’s only because I never had money when I was there.

   Damn taxes.

   On the surface level, the weather of Los Angeles is nothing short of paradise. Sure, it’s warm to hot, but unlike New York, humidity is kept down.

   I assume by these guys.

   And the sights are even better. Thus far, I am guilty of doing the tourist thing - going to food joints, museums, talking loudly on my phone, using my phone as a camera, wearing sunscreen, etc - but it has been a great experience. Mostly on my stomach.

   I mean, when this is the burger tradition of the place you live in, you know you’re in for a crazy time.

   Amongst my tourist going time here, I have been to a great wonder of nature - the La Brea Tar Pits. Now, if you don’t about the Tar Pits, you need to do two things: the first being click the link, because I’m sure the internet will do a better job explaining it, historically. The second being hit yourself, because it’s pretty self-explanatory.

   It’s a fucking pit of sticky, black, don’t drink this, tar.

   That said, even though it was a very interesting sight, filled with plenty of educational facts and remains of animals that would have easily murdered the human race, there was one thing that really took my aback.

   It’s in the middle of fucking Los Angeles. People live near it. Note the house in the background. Ignore the elephant's plight.

   Now, here in the west coast of the country, it’s rather laid back. People wear what they want, talk how they want, and have a generally good, if not humoring demeanor about them. However, someone had to of been kidding around or just sadistic when they suggested that this is great property:

   Versus maybe living… just about anywhere else. I mean, the last thing I want to do is raise a family where there is a real risk of accidentally dropping food, clothes, toys, children, in a tar pit.

Note: the internet is a cruel place, but not cruel enough for me to find a picture of a child stuck in tar. Good internet.

   Problem? Yes. However, this kind of living situation does prove the residents of Los Angeles are more hardcore then those of New York.

   Well, maybe.

   The next place that has been a beautiful experience is Long Beach and it’s residing aquarium. The city itself is nothing short of breath taking, having all of the interests and excitement of a larger city, combined with all the TV drama stereotypes of beautiful people, excellent weather, and a great supply of beach to walk at sunset.

   Okay, so not totally like TV, but pretty close. 

   Not much can be said about Long Beach besides the obvious. However, if anyone ever says that California is more then its stereotypical beautiful women and good sun.

   Tell them Long Beach pretty much proves them wrong. 

Stay tuned for the third, and possibly final part of my intercontinental journey!

In New York State, Part Un

The readers that know who I am know that I have a strange relationship with the State of New York. Between the familial connection and the fact that I was raised here, I constantly find at least one thing wrong with destination every single day.

   The fact that sales taxes is collected and stored in these sacks is a deal breaker, yet endearing a la Scrooge McDuck.

    Yes, a duck with a pimp cane is our tax collector.

In an attempt to hide away from such metaphorical highway robbery, I have decided to flee to the west coast. Yet, even with my short time in Atlanta due to lay-over, I have noticed that not being in New York has all sorts of perks, unbeknownst to me.

Unfortunately, none of those perks involve seeing this come into my possession.

Staying with the financial theme, one big one is the change in sales tax. It is was refreshing to see the price of a candy bar and be able to say “yes, I will pay that amount” and then not have to be rung up for an extra ten percent. Granted, buying things in an airport is never a clear indicator of that place’s market, since every thing is more expensive anyway. Including the booze. Especially the booze.

The expense of booze was to deter pilot’s from drinking. Needless to say, it was a fun plane ride.

   Another great perk is when you find a special kind of person; you know, that one person that’s willing to talk to you about their travels and life. The person that is friendly and nice, and just wish to pass the time in the air interacting with someone. The person that is plain ignorant and gullible.

  Meeting someone with no sense of what the state of New York is like is a wonderful experience. To them, you are a rough, urban city dweller, that has much experience of the world, and lives in one of the most inspiring and dangerous places in the country. But really, they just think the entire state is a large city - and to prolong that thinking is not only hurtful to their intelligence, but is hilarious.

This is what gullible non-New Yorker actually believe New York state is.

  This is what New York state mostly consists of. Admittedly, New York City is pretty much our cornerstone of civilization, but we have other places. Just… not as impressive places. Actually, most other places are kind of sad. Especially between the cities of New York City and US Niagara Falls.

Within that blue section, it's pretty much depressing.

  However, I must say, that if the airport is indicative of the place I am, Atlanta is both massive and well kempt. Also, Never make fun of anyone with a Southern accent; Atlantean (maybe?) accents are special and rather tolerable. Depending on who is talking…

… it becomes a glorious thing. As opposed to hearing a certain other someone...

    He just sounds silly.

  Stayed tuned for the next part of this series - Things I am Not: In New York State Part Dos, Californian Boogaloo.